Grocery Market AU
by jedikhaleesi
Summary: The Fetts own a grocery market. Chapter 5: Obi-Wan and Anakin make pie.
1. Chapter 1: Anakin and Padme

**I'm trying to get back in the groove. And I'm really tired of writing super long, super angsty, super absolutely going nowhere, absolutely making no sense fics, so I'm trying humor again! I don't really have a title yet, so I'm just going to call this Grocery Market AU for now. Please R&amp;R!**

1: Anakin, Padme, and Eggs

"And I need three cartons of eggs, five bags of Doritos, a box of that really nice Earl Grey tea-"

"Hold up. Go back to three cartons of eggs!" Anakin dumped the tub of cheese dip into the grocery cart, trying not to drop his phone.

On the other end of the line, Obi-Wan sighed exasperatedly. "Three cartons of eggs. Five bags of-"

"Wait wait wait!" Anakin picked up three cartons and stacked them precariously in his arms. "Five bags of Doritos, right?"

"Yes, Anakin."

"Okay." He was just about to place the eggs gently into the cart when something bumped into him from behind, making him drop all three cartons. Anakin watched in horror as thirty-six eggs splattered all over the items in his cart.

"Oh _dang_," he muttered. Obi-Wan was not going to be happy.

"Anakin? What happened?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry!"

"Anakin turned around, filling to the brim with anger, and prepared to yell at the person who had just ruined his whole day.

"What the-" he stopped abruptly.

The person who had just ruined his whole day was an _angel._

"Hi," he said.

"I'm so sorry," the angel said, face scrunched in concern.

"Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see," Anakin said.

The angel gave him a weird look. "Excuse me?"

"Anakin, did you just use a pickup line on me?" Obi-Wan demanded.

Anakin took his phone away from his ear, extending his arm out to the angel. "Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm Anakin."

"Um... I'm Padme," the angel said, shaking his hand. Anakin decided he was never going to wash that hand again. "Again, I'm so sorry about that."

"About what?" Anakin asked, fixated on Padme tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Um," Padme pointed to a space behind him. "That?"

He spun around. There was a grocery cart covered in eggs. "Is that mine?" he asked.

"Yes?"

Anakin blinked. "Huh."

"ANAKIN SKYWALKER!" Obi-Wan's tinny voice yelled from his phone.

"What?" Anakin yelled right back, bringing his phone back up to his mouth. Padme jumped, startled.

"You better be done with grocery shopping! I need to make dinner, and you know how Ahsoka gets when she's hungry!"

"Oh, _damn it_," Anakin whined.

"I'll just- be going," Padme said awkwardly, wheeling her cart away.

"No! Wait! Are you an interior decorator?"

"Uh, no..."

"Because when I saw you, the entire room became beautiful."

"Thanks, I guess," Padme said, and walked away.

Anakin pouted. _Damn it._

**Please R&amp;R! If you've got any ideas, comment! ~jedikhaleesi**


	2. Chapter 2: Padme and Her BFFs

2: Padme and Her BFFs

**I wrote like 8 more of these. I just couldn't get enough. I feel like they get less and less funny though. Also I would have waited for Thursday but I couldn't wait like 3 more days (3? or 4 depending). Please R&amp;R! **

"Oh my god, he's hella hot," Eirtae screeched, making Padme wince. "Girl, you should have gotten his number."

Padme, Eirtae, Sabe, Rabe, Sache, and Yane were currently all watching Hot Guy- who had introduced himself as Anakin- from behind a table of half off muffins as Cody rang up his purchases.

"And he used really cute pickup lines on you! I wish someone would use cute pickup lines on me," Sabe said wistfully.

"I would totally do the frick frack with him," Rabe sighed dreamily.

Everyone looked at her.

"You're so perverted, Rabe," Yane said.

"He's hot!"

"There's a reason Hot Guy hit on me and not you." Padme rolled her eyes.

"He would have hit on me if I hadn't been over in the frozens section with Sache!"

"He would not have," Eirtae argued.

"Um, excuse you, he totally would have!"

"Stop!" Padme ordered. Immediately the bickering stopped. "As the first one to see Hot Guy and talk to him, I call dibs on him!"

"Aww," Rabe whined. "No fair!"

"I saw him first!"

"That's still not fair!"

"He called me an angel!"

"I ship it!" Eirtae screeched. "You two would be _soooooooo_ cute!"

"Anidala," Sache said suddenly. Everyone looked at her. (Sache said a maximum of ten words a day.) "Ship name."

"That's perfect!" Eirtae threw her hands in the air, utterly delighted. "You two are going to get married, and it's going to be the most beautiful wedding, and all five of us are all going to be bridesmaids-"

"And obviously I'll catch the bouquet," Rabe put in. "But don't make us wear yellow dresses. None of us look good in yellow."

"Stop planning my wedding! I don't even have Hot Guy's number!"

"Um, what are you talking about? You totally do," Eirtae said.

"Um, what are _you _talking about? I totally don't." Padme imitated her friend's posture, hip popped out and arms crossed.

"Sache?" the other girl prompted.

Sache held up a slip of paper.

"Our precious Sache pickpocketed Hot Guy's phone, of course, and wrote his number down. By the way, he's an iPhone kind of guy."

Padme snatched the piece of paper from Sache's hand. "Is this legit?"

"_Hella_," Eirtae answered emphatically.

"Didn't you just say that I should've gotten his number?"

"She was trying to make you go talk to Hot Guy again," Yane piped up. "But since you didn't, she decided to reveal that we totally stalked you while you had your conversation with him."

"Um..."

"_Yane_!" Sabe hissed. "You weren't supposed to say that!"

"Okay, I've got two things to say. One: you guys are, like, really weird. Two: do you know how stalkerish it would be if I just randomly called him?"

"But he probably wants you to call him," Sabe said reasonably. "_I _would call him."

"There is a reason _I _am the decision maker in this group," Padme snapped. "I will not call him. Let's go. We are done shopping, and have been done shopping, for half an hour. Half an hour that we could have been using to-"

"Bye, Padme's future husband," Eirtae whispered in Hot Guy's direction.

Rabe was much more forward. "Bye, Hot Guy!" she screamed across the store, grabbing everyone's attention.

Padme facepalmed.

**I feel like all of them are different incarnations of me depending on who I get stuck with. Oh well. I wanna like call the five of them the Es because all of their names end in Es? Please R&amp;R! :) ~jedikhaleesi**


	3. Chapter 3: Christmas Decor

3: Christmas Decor

**This is the first chapter where it's actually said that the Fetts own the grocery market. **

"But you can't take it down!" Echo whined.

"The Christmas season is long over," Cody said reasonably. "Which means, bye bye Christmas tree."

"But-"

Cody took the lid off the storage container. "Ornaments off. Now."

Echo pulled an ornament off the tree, pouting.

* * *

"Okay. It's time for plan number 82193475729345 in the binder 'How to Get Padme and Hot Guy Together'. Everybody ready?" Eirtae chirped.

"Why can't we use plan 82193475729344 again?" Sabe asked.

Eirtae pinned her with a glare that could melt ice. "Because, Padme said that she won't agree to any plan that requires her getting stuck in a small space for an extended period of time, thus eliminating plan numbers 098823457128345, 123457382938471-"

"Got it. Thank you," Sabe interrupted. "Please, continue briefing us on plan 82193475729345."

"Thank you. Plan 82193475729345, otherwise known as Operation Mistletoe, relies on Fett Grocery Market and their tendency to not take down their Christmas decorations until the middle of March. Part 1 of Operation Mistletoe requires us to hang a sprig of mistletoe somewhere strategic, in a place where Padme and Hot Guy could meet and have it be a believable meeting. Thus, we cannot hang it in the ice cream aisle, because, and I quote, 'I would never buy ice cream from a-'"

"Yes, we all know Padme's prejudices against grocery market ice cream," Rabe said impatiently, rolling her eyes. "Part 2, please."

Eirtae sniffed haughtily. "Part 2 of Operation Mistletoe requires us to trick both Padme and Hot Guy into standing under it, and then looking up and seeing it. Then they'll kiss! And Part 3: they'll get married, and we'll be bridesmaids, and everyone will be happy!"

"Part 3 has a few leaps in logic, Eirtae," Yane said.

"No it doesn't!" Eirtae threw down her laser pointer. "None of you appreciate any of my plans!"

"Are you kidding?" Rabe asked flatly. "If we didn't appreciate your plans, would we have sat through the briefings on plan 000000000000001, 000000000000002, 000000-"

"Basically, what Rabe is trying to say," Sabe interjected, "is that we appreciate you and love you from the bottom of our hearts, Eirtae, despite the extraordinary number of plans that you can make with a no homework and a little bit of boredom."

"Thank you, Sabe. At least _you_ appreciate me." Eirtae threw her nose in the air.

"Now, are we actually going to use that plan or not?" Yane asked. "That is the question."

"It's actually half-reasonable," Rabe said. "I mean, it's better than that plan where we all dress up as sharks and throw them into a pool..."

"Any plan is better than that plan!"

"Let's just be done with it," Sache said out of nowhere. "Let's use it."

"Well, if Sache says we should use it, we should use it," Sabe remarked. "I mean, seeing as she's the most reasonable out of all of us."

"Excuse you, I'm perfectly reasonable!" Eirtae, Rabe, and Yane exclaimed in unison.

"Blah blah blah, whatever. Come on. Let's execute part 1. Who knows where they sell mistletoe?"

* * *

"Wow. You actually fulfilled your New Year's Resolution," Rex said thoughtfully, looking at the giant blank space where the Christmas tree used to be. "You managed to get us to take down the Christmas decorations a month earlier than we usually do."

"I know. It's a miracle," Cody answered, smiling widely. "Isn't that brilliant?"

"No," Echo muttered. "No, it's not."

* * *

The instant Sabe stepped inside Fett Grocery Market, she knew something was wrong. She turned to her left, looking around for the distinct, fifteen-foot Christmas tree with ten thousand ornaments-

And didn't find it!

"OH. MY. GOD!" she screamed. "EIRTAE!"

Eirtae dashed inside the grocery market, took one look at her surroundings, and burst into tears.

"Wow. The plan's failed already," Rabe said, looking around at the conspicuously Christmas-decoration-less grocery store.

"This is a failure!" Eirtae wailed. "I am a failure! Plan 82193475729345 is a failure!" She whipped out her gigantic binder labeled "How to Get Padme and Hot Guy Together", threw it on the ground, and started stomping on it.

"Excuse me, ma'am," one of the cashiers said to Yane. "Is your friend all right?"

"Um..." Yane looked at Eirtae, then at the cashier. "She _will_ be all right?"

**Please R&amp;R! ~jedikhaleesi**


	4. Chapter 4: Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka

4: Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka

**Hi! This is a longer chapter than normal, but then the chapter after this is super short. For the people who have reviewed: thanks so much, I love you all. :)**

"Remind me why _you're_ here again?" Anakin grumbled, sullenly pushing the grocery cart down the coffee aisle.

"Because you clearly cannot do the grocery shopping in a timely manner! Which was proven last Saturday when you came home thirty minutes late!" Obi-Wan pulled a bag of Starbucks coffee off a shelf and threw it into the cart, checking off another item on his list.

"I told you, that wasn't my fault!"

"No, you told me that it was an _angel_'s fault! An angel! Really, Anakin?"

"She _was_ an angel!" Anakin exclaimed exasperatedly.

"SAMPLES!" Ahsoka screamed from somewhere in the vastness of the store.

"Why did you have to bring Ahsoka? You know how she gets when there are samples," Obi-Wan scolded.

"So that I don't go insane from your nagging!"

"I wouldn't be nagging you if you could just do it right!"

"How do you do the grocery shopping _right_?"

"It's called doing it in a timely fashion so that I can make dinner and we can all eat it in front of the TV while watching the newest episode of Supernatural!"

"I don't even like Supernatural!" Anakin said angrily, dropping a milk carton into the cart.

Obi-Wan gasped. "Blasphemy!"

"He's just saying that because Sam has better hair than he does," Ahsoka said, having appeared out of nowhere and into the cart with a cheese cube in her hand. "You guys try the cheese samples?"

"He does not have better hair than I do," Anakin muttered, snatching the cheese and stuffing it in his mouth.

"Um, he so does," Ahsoka countered, pulling out another cheese cube. "Isn't that right, Obi-Wan?"

"She's right," Obi-Wan informed Anakin.

"He does _not_ have better hair than I do!"

They turned into the cookie aisle.

"OREOS!" Ahsoka shrieked, jumping out of the cart and snatching five packs off the shelf.

"I told you we shouldn't have brought Ahsoka!" Obi-Wan said, putting his hands on his hips. "Now we'll have to buy her Oreos!"

"Ahsoka, if you want to keep your job as a model, you're going have to put those down," Anakin informed the girl.

"It's called exercising," she snapped back. "Why don't you try it sometime?"

"How do you think I got these?" Anakin flexed his biceps.

"How do I think you got what?"

"These," Anakin said, flexing his biceps again.

Ahsoka squinted at his arms. "Oh, those? I don't think it did anything for you."

"No Oreos! I made Anakin buy you Doritos last time. We're going to the fruit and vegetables section!"

"Eww, vegetables," Anakin and Ahsoka muttered in unison.

"They're healthy! Besides, do you want mangoes or not?"

"MANGOES!" In the blink of an eye Ahsoka was back inside the grocery cart. "We're off to get some mangoes, the wonderful mangoes of Oz!"

"Will you make apple pie?" Anakin asked Obi-Wan. "I want apple pie."

"I WANT MANGOES!"

"That was a completely irrelevant question," Obi-Wan answered. "No. I will not be making apple pie."

"Why not?"

"Because at this rate, we'll never get home in time to watch Supernatural, much less make a pie!"

"We can skip Supernatural for a week," Anakin coaxed.

"WE CAN'T SKIP SUPERNATURAL!" Ahsoka screamed. "SUPERNATURAL IS A TRADITION!"

"See?" Obi-Wan said. "Supernatural is a tradition."

"Well, I want pie!"

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes, stomping off to the vegetables section. "Ahsoka, do you want mangoes or not?"

"MANGOES!" The Togruta leaped out of the cart and followed him.

* * *

"And your total today is five hundred seventy-six dollars and one cent." Anakin couldn't even see the cashier behind the piles of groceries stacked in front of him.

Obi-Wan reached over the barricade of groceries and dropped a hundred dollar bill and a penny. The cashier made a noise like something had just fallen on his face.

Ahsoka was holding ten mangoes to her chest, cradling them like babies. "Mango mango mango, mango mango mango," she chanted, swinging them back and forth.

"Don't you want to put those in a bag?" Anakin asked. "You could drop them."

"I'll drop your face," she snapped.

Anakin put his hands up in surrender.

"Thank you for your purchases," the cashier said, still hidden. "Have a nice weekend!"

"Have a nice weekend!" Obi-Wan said happily, wheeling the empty grocery cart away.

"Obi-Wan! We still need to actually get the groceries to the car!" Anakin yelled to his friend's retreating back.

"You're the muscle!" Obi-Wan yelled back. And then: "If you do it, I'll bake you a pie!"

Anakin considered the pile of groceries in front of him, and then considered the pie.

* * *

"Thank you, Anakin," Obi-Wan said as he loaded the groceries into the back of their minivan. (Yes, they own a minivan. IDEK.)

"Well, I wanted pie."

**Remember to R&amp;R! Comment the parts you liked or any questions you have. Those make for really fun reviews. ~jedikhaleesi**


	5. Chapter 5: Perfect Apple Pie

5: Perfect Apple Pie

**OH MY GOD. I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in like a week lol. Idk man I won't be able to update for like the next week bc busy weekend (wow thx debate tournaments that supposedly last until 10 pm but are probably going to take for fricking ever like what even). Yeah, please R&amp;R and ignore me. Thanks :)**

"Anakin, slice the apples."

"But you're the one making the pie!"

"You're the one eating it! Slice the apples!"

"I'll miss the opener for Supernatural!"

"At this rate, I'm going to miss the whole episode! And if you're going to keep pretending that you don't like Supernatural, you might not want to use it as an excuse!"

Anakin reached for the knife, grumbling under his breath as Obi-Wan handed him six apples.

"Is that a premade pie crust?" Anakin shrieked as Obi-Wan drew out the item in question from the grocery bag.

"Well, sorry if I don't have time to make a crust!"

"This is a disgrace! _You're_ a disgrace!"

"SHUT UP!" Ahsoka yelled from the living room. "MAKE THE DAMN PIE!"

Obi-Wan glared at Anakin. "You heard her. Slice the apples."

Anakin sliced the apples.

Making sure that Anakin was focused, Obi-Wan pulled out the ingredients for the real pie crust. (Pre-made crusts? Disgraces! He totally agreed with his friend on that one.) He took out a bowl, mixed flour, salt, and sugar, and-

"You lied to me!"

Obi-Wan whirled around. Anakin was holding the knife dangerously close to his nose.

"You're making a real crust!" the other man literally jumped in joy, hugging (_crushing_) him. "I knew you loved me, Obi-Wan!"

"Get off," he grumbled.

"Oh, thank you, Obi-Wan!"

"Get off so I can finish making your pie!"

"Okay, okay!" Anakin flew out of the room, waving the knife around. "He's making a real crust, Ahsoka!"

"GET THE KNIFE OUT OF MY FACE!"

A sheepish Anakin tromped back into the kitchen, set the knife down on the table, and danced out again. "PIE PIE PIE!"

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes.

**Please don't hate me because it's so short. Please read and review. I'll love you forever. ~jedikhaleesi**


	6. Chapter 6: Ahsoka and Padme's BFFs

6: Ahsoka and Padme's BFFs

**Hi! I have neglected this fic, to say the least... Explanation below. Please read and review! :)**

"I swear to God, if you propose one more plan-" Sabe threatened, shaking her fist ominously in front of Eirtae's face.

"Do you want Padme to get married to Hot Guy or not?"

"I'm right here," Padme said.

Sabe deflated. "Yes," she admitted.

"I'm right here," Padme repeated.

"Okay, Padme." Eirtae whirled around and clapped her hands. "Are you ready? This could determine your future. Our futures. The future of the future generation."

Yane rolled her eyes.

"You see Hot Guy?"

"Yes, Eirtae, I see Anakin. Goodbye." Padme walked away.

"You're going to ruin it!" Eirtae screeched. "You're going to ruin your future! Our futures! The future of the future generation!"

"Eirtae, stop yelling," Rabe said. "We're attracting attention."

Eirtae huffed.

"Come on," Sabe said. "Let's go get some shopping done."

* * *

By 'let's go get some shopping done', Yane was quite sure that Sabe hadn't meant 'let's go stalk Padme as she and Hot Guy talk'. It looked like an interesting talk, she supposed.

"Where's Sache?" Rabe hissed.

"Who cares?" Eirtae hissed back.

"I bought the groceries."

"Speak of the devil and he shall appear," Sabe quoted.

"Sache's not a he."

"It was a proverb!"

"Can you hear what they're saying?" Eirtae whispered, peering out cautiously from in between cereal boxes.

"Let's leave them alone," Yane suggested.

"No!"

* * *

Padme was just glad that Anakin was ignoring the fact that five girls were stalking them.

* * *

Anakin was just glad that Ahsoka had gotten distracted by samples and that Obi-Wan was at work.

* * *

"What the hell are you doing?" a new voice asked.

All of them spun around at once to find a Togruta watching them, two cups of that shuura fruit juice they'd been handing out in her hands.

"We're- uh- well-"

"Is that Anakin? With a _girl?_" The Togruta dropped her cups, ignoring the juice splattering everywhere, and shoved herself right in between Eirtae and Rabe.

"You know Hot Guy?" Sabe asked.

"I'm one of his roommates," the Togruta girl said. "What about you? Who are you guys?"

"We're Padme's friends. And roommates too, I suppose."

"Cool." The Togruta stuck her head out. "Wow. He's actually with a girl. Wow."

"Aren't they perfect together?" Eirtae asked her.

The Togruta thought for a minute, then shrieked, "ANAKIN! I SHIP YOU AND THAT GIRL SO HARD!"

* * *

Anakin facepalmed.

* * *

Padme was really hoping that Anakin wouldn't notice the five other girls with the Togruta.

* * *

Anakin and Padme had come to a mutual agreement: he'd pretend that her five friends didn't exist, and she'd pretend she'd never seen the Togruta girl ("Ahsoka. Aka the most annoying organism in existence") in her life.

Which was how they'd come to the cafe extension of Fett Grocery Market where they were enjoying... well, caf.

"Do you wanna do this again sometime?" Anakin asked.

"Yeah, of course! Just..."

"Yeah?" he asked nervously.

"Can we both leave our friends at home?"

"Yes. Let's," he agreed, watching as Ahsoka and one of Padme's friends whispered way too happily over a binder that he was pretty sure was labeled 'Anakin and Padme's Wedding'. "_Please._"

**Please read and review! I always appreciate it :) ~jedikhaleesi**

**OKAY SO RANT TIME. I went to a debate tournament over the weekend and one of the teams from my rival school that I beat broke and I didn't because our first round judge made us lose and I made friends with another team from my rival school and they told me I'd get out early if I didn't break which was a lie because I only got out like 3 hours later and it was horrid because the tabroom crashed twice and they gave us really bright colored paper and it was blinding like really fuschia really no.**


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